Football Season Rules

This is a Public Service Announcement! Football Season rules will take effect Friday, September 1, at 8:00 EST.

(This has been modified from a previous Facebook post and I felt it necessary to edit appropriately for my circumstances.)

Since the countdown to the start of college football is just hours now, it’s time to mention the football season rules as they will be strictly enforced. None of these are meant to be a personal attack, but each of you has been warned…

  1. I will NOT attend ANYTHING past noon on Saturdays unless you have NCAA football on a television. No exceptions will be made.
    • Events with MSU football take priority over all other events.
    • Events with college football will take priority over any other event other than Spartans football.
  2. I will be high strung, loud, obnoxious and extremely intense if you are around me while the Spartans are playing. Personal space will be required as hand flailing and gestures will without a doubt, be happening.
  3. I will ONLY wear Michigan State apparel on Saturdays. At least, green and white of some kind even if we have a bye week.
  4. If you do not stand for the fight song, I will judge you.
    • If you do not know the words to the fight song, I will judge you.
  5. At tailgates, I am the grill master. If you attempt to take over, I will pinch you with my tongs and slap you with a donut.
  6. If you take a donut hole at a tailgate, you are required to take a shot with it as donut holes are strictly for Shots & Donuts purposes only.
  7. If you do not participate in Shots & Donuts, it will be discussed on whether or not you are allowed to return.
  8. DO NOT interrupt me in the middle of any play to talk to me about anything other than what’s going on in the game. I will not respond. (Only exception is if you’re telling me you’re getting Fireball or a soft pretzel.)
    1. One of the very few exceptions to this rule is texting with Taryn during games only because we sideline coach and complain the entire time.
  9. Weddings are for bye weeks. It’s not my fault you are starting your married life proving to everyone you are a horrible planner. I won’t be there but I will wish you the best of luck as soon as the game is over.
  10. Swearing is standard practice and will happen constantly during a game. Sorry, not sorry.
  11. If we lose a game, I will need a minimum of 24 hours to sulk. Don’t text me, call me or message me. Standard procedure.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.


3 Replies to “Football Season Rules”

  1. Regarding #7: I will participate, but it will be with a beverage of my choosing. If I do a Fireball shot, I will certainly not be invited to return as I will have projectile vomited on all other participants.


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